Suddenly, Rebecca stood up wiping her face and called out, “I am going to leave early today Shirley can you let John know?” “Sure, no problem” the woman responded.
“So, where are we going babe?” I expected no response as usually but I was surprised when she said quietly, “We are going to the pier Chris. Remember that place? We made love outside that night on the beach and talked until dawn.”
“Wait, can you hear me? Can you see me?” I was almost ecstatic with happiness but she never said another word the entire way there.
When we arrived to the beach shore she quietly left her shoes in the car and walked to the sea edge. “Babe, its cold we need to go back.” As expected, she didn’t respond to me and continued to walk along the beach bare footed. She reached up and untied her hair from the bun she had it in. She looked beautiful in that moment the lines that traced her face from lack of sleep seemed to melt away as the wind played with her hair and the sea air danced around us.
“I’m fine Chris.” I turned sharply and stood in front of her gazing at her intensely as she looked right through me. “What’s going on?” Again, she didn’t respond to me but watched the horizon line calmly as the sun began to make its way towards darkness.
“I know you are here Chris. I know you have been here since the moment you have died. I can’t see you or hear you but those moments that we have together. When it feels like our two worlds collided and you’re alive again. Does are the moments when I knew I wasn’t crazy.”
“Ah, babe I knew you could feel it too.” I brushed her cheek gently. “I just knew it” I watch as her chest rose as she took in a deep breath and closed her eyes.
.She opened her eyes and gazed into mine. “Just like now”
“Ha ha, I can see you now oh man I must have really lost it” She started pacing back and forth a bit frantically. “Okay deep breath Rebecca he is not standing there in front of you now that is not realistic. Now, count to ten and when you turn around he won’t be standing there and you won’t be insane.” She turned her back to me and closed her eyes and covered her ears. I wanted to laugh but I wanted to know if she could really see me as well. So, I waited. When she finished counting and turned around hesitantly she stops and stared at me. I watched as her mouth dropped and she collapsed to the sand looking up at me. She looked like she saw a ghost well I guess she has.
“Chris”, she whispered.
I don’t know what happen and why she was able to see me. I just fell to my knees in front of her thankful for this moment as I reached out and touched her. Despite the countless time that I was never able to feel her for this moment I was able to touch her as if I was alive. Maybe, God had pity on us for separating two people who loved each other so much they couldn’t even part after death. Maybe it wasn’t God but the love we had for each other was stronger than death. Hell, I don’t know what it was but for that moment we were together again. “Oh, God babe you can see me…..I love you I love you I love you I love you Oh God thank you” I haven’t cried since I was a child I didn’t even cry on my deathbed but I felt tears run down my face as I gazed into her eyes. That’s when I realized that she couldn’t hear me as I noticed the look of confusion on her face as I spoke. There is always a price in this world nothing is freely given as understanding began to dawn on her face. Yet, still she smiled as she reached out with a trembling hand to my face. Slowly she placed her hands around me tracing the contours of face. It was unbelievable the ecstasy that went through me at that moment I didn’t dare close my eyes because it may all disappear.
She took a deep breath kissed me gently as tears streamed down her eyes. Her lips were trembling but I could feel their warmth touch me. A brief sensation but enough to last me an eternity. She wrapped her arms around me hugging me close as she whispered in my ear. “It is time for you to go Chris. You can’t stay here with me any longer.”
“Babe, you need me” I said, earnestly. “I am going to stay here with you.” Hoping that she would understand my intent as I pulled back and explained to her my resolve.
Her eyes took on a glint of determination that I have seen many times before once she has made up her mind. “No, Chris you can’t. I will always love you…always but it is time for you to go time for you to move on.”
Her voice wavered as she said “Chris….it’s time for me to move on too.” Her gaze was so strong and confident that I knew she meant every word.
“Ah, babe is that what you really want me to do?”
She nodded as if she couldn’t find the words to speak anymore.
“Rebecca, I love you and will always love you.” I grabbed her hand and placed it on my chest while placing mine on hers. Trying my best to get her to understand that I will always be here looking after her. She nodded fiercely as if she couldn’t find the words to explain but I understood. She will be okay.
“Times up brother” I heard Rafael call in the distance. That bastard seems to pop up at the most convenient times. “I got to go now babe” I point to my wrist to explain to her I had to leave.
“Okay” she said with tears running down her eyes but she was smiling softly with a sense of acceptance and sadness. “You take care of yourself love…I…I love you dream of me okay.”
“Always” I kissed her one more time before turning away and walking towards Rafael. He was standing further down the beach shoreline. He was looking at me with a sense of understanding as if he had similar burdens of his own a story of his own to tell.
“So, how is the afterlife?” as we began strolling down the beach into an unnatural soft light in the distance.
“Eh, it’s alright I guess there some pretty cool people”
“Oh, yea well can’t wait to check it out”
I watch as he disappeared from my arms as if he was never there to begin with. No one would believe me but that’s okay because I will always have these memories deep within my heart. There was a deep wound in my heart that I thought would always bleed without him here but now is just a scar that has made me better in so many ways. Thank you Chris for the years we had together the laughter, smiles, kisses, and joy you have given me. Thank you for your love and commitment even beyond the end. Thank you for begin you a big stubborn lovable jerk. I thought with a smile and I realized at that moment that it was the first time that I have ever smiled truly from a place of happiness. I’m going to be okay now. I’m not alone and won’t ever be alone. Perhaps, I’ll be able to love again with time. Perhaps I will feel the joy I had with you once again with time. All I know is that I will be okay. I laid back down on the sand and watch the sun set on the horizon and knew that he was truly gone but never forgotten he is just beyond the horizon.
I will remember your small room, the feel of you, the light in the window, your records, your books, our morning coffee, our noons, our nights, our bodies spilled together, sleeping, the tiny flowing currents, immediate and forever. Your leg, my leg, your arm, my arm, your smile and the warmth of you who made me laugh again.
So, that is the end to this little tale. I hope you guys liked it as much as I enjoyed writing this piece. I realize that I have a lot of mistakes and a lot of things I need to work on to improve my writing but I hope you don’t mind going on this journey with me as I continue to learn. Finally, I would like to say thank you for reading a bit of my imagination.
With peace and love,